The Kazekage Deals Saga
by Mina Roze
Summary: The strange deals of the Kazekage in his little dark corner. ALL M RATED WARNINGS APPLY!
1. Sasuke

_**Sasuke**_

This is the first of many deals that the Kazekage of the Suna will make. We find him in this deep dark alley just outside of the Kazekage building... He is currently standing in his usual dark corner. Today we find a young raven approaching him. His appearance shows that he hasn't had any of what he needed for awhile and has thous resorted back to cutting. He was trying to hide this fact with black bandages under a long sleeve black shirt, probably from Hot Topic, but it was easily see through. The Kazekage thought that he was trying to flaunt himself so he could get what he needed. That's see what the young Uchiha needs from the Kazekage.

"Gaara, I need them."

"Yes, your cyanide pills. I'm surprised your back."

"I need them!"

"Do you have the money?"

The raven frowned as he remembered that there was no money in the house. His brother wasn't payed by the Akatsuki yet and there was none to steal.

"I don't have the money."

"Then perhaps a deal is in order."  
"What do you want? A hand job? Blow job? Sex where I'm uke?"

Yep the Kazekage knew that the raven would offer those type of things, but he wasn't interested in that. Oh no, the Kazekage wanted something else. The Kazekage pulls something out from behind his back and holds it in front of the raven.

"Put this on."

The stange Kazekage was holding out one of Rock Lee's green spandex suits, and by the looks of it, it came straight from the dirty clothes hamper. The raven looked confused and tilted his head to the right.

"You'll put it on if you want these."

Gaara holds out some cyanide pills in a bag in his other hand. The young Uchiha looks from the pills to the spandex and back again.

As Sasuke turned to leave still wearing the spandex, Gaara knew that he'd probably never see the raven again.

We leave the stange Kazekage with a sadistic smile on his face.

_**Authors Note**_

As some of you may know I always sign off with a few words. One: My sister helped me with this a bit and probably will help me with the others to come... Two: If you want a specific charater to be next review to request it. I'm sure I can think of something bizarre that the Kazekage would want from them...

COMING UP NEXT!!

Rock Lee

Shikamaru

and some random fangirl (maybe)

Naii out!!


	2. Rock Lee

_**Rock Lee**_

Another day has passed and we again join the Kazekage in his dark corner of the alley. Today we find a dreary looking fellow walking up to the Kazekage. It just so happens that the dreary person is none other than the 'handsome blue beast of the leaf village', Rock Lee. The Kazekage notes that he's not his usual youthful self and secretly wonders to himself why. Lets see why Lee is so dreary.

"Gaara. A friend of mine said that I could get some weed from you."

"Everything has a price on it you know."

"Yes...Yes...A price, right..."

Lee takes out is wallet and opens it. Upon opening it a moth flies out indicating that Lee didn't have the money for what he needed.

"I don't have the money...But I need the weed to be youthful again."

"Then perhaps a deal is in order."

"What would you want?"

The Kazekage eyed the man a bit thinking it might be interesting to have him strip in front of him but that wouldn't do. That would definitely reveal the feelings that the strange Kazekage had for the boy. So Gaara thought for a minute of what would be just as preppy has his secret lover. Something that Lee would have of course. Gaara snaps his fingers, coming up with the perfect item.

"I want your 'High School Musical 2 Soundtrack'"

Lee looked shocked and depressed, telling Gaara that indeed that was something precious to his love. The Kazekage decides to bring out what Lee wanted. Twenty pounds of weed right now swing in Lee's face.

As the Kazekage watched his love walk off, he knew that tomorrow he would see Lee back to his usual youthful self.

_**Author's Note**_

Just so you know I hate High School Musical but it seemed like something Lee would watch... Yeah...That's all I have to say...Oh and that THE KAZEKAGE IS STRANGE!

COMING UP NEXT!

Shikamaru.

If you wish to request a charater than please do.

Naii out!


	3. Shikamaru

_**Shikamaru**_

Another wonderful day has passed and it's now night time. We join the Kazekage in his usual corner. Someone with black hair and a lazy posture is walking up to him this evening. The boy didn't look troubled at all, which was something unusual for the Kazekage's customers. Let's see what this strange customer wants.

"Hello. I heard this is a place of dealing. I wish to do some orderly business with you."

The Kazekage smirked a bit. "And that would be?" He asked, though it was more out of curiosity than business.

"I need something that would loosen someone up. Something that is tasteless and has no smell."

"hmmm......Like a date rape drug. Do you have the money for it?"

The lazy boy rolled his eyes. Of course he had money. He took out his wallet and opened it up. Empty. The dark haired boy suddenly had an annoyed and troubled look on his face. He looks at the still smirking red head.

"I have no money."

"Then perhaps a deal is in order."

"What would you want?"

The Kazekage thought about this for a bit. What could this lazy cloud watcher have that would interest him? Before he could come up with anything the dark haired male had pulled out a VERY shiny Kunai knife and was swinging it around. The Kazekage watched it with extreme intent.

"Shiny!"

The dark haired male smirked as the Kazekage took out what he wanted.

As the Kazekage sat there and stared at the new shiny thing he remembers something. The dark haired boy was the one that his sister was going out with. He drops the knife and runs off to go find the cloud watcher.

_**Author's Note**_

Sorry it took so long. I've had writers block. I will be working on this story a bit more since I find that I can have it be more on the moment writing. I'll be doing the two requests that I had gotten next. Please if you have a request for a character, leave a review and I'll see what I can come up with.

UP NEXT:

Orochimaru

Naruto

Naii out!


	4. Orochimaru

_**Orochimaru**_

We once again join the strange Kazekage of Suna in his usual dark corner. A very tall and pale man is walking up to the Kazekage. The strange male looking very creepy and sly. The red head recognizes him as Orochimaru. But what could Orochimaru want from the Kazekage? Well before the imagination runs off lets find out.

"Do you happen to have some Viagra?"

Disturbed the Kazekage answers "I do. But you can buy it at the store."

"They refuse to sell it to me. Something about me using it to rape male teenagers, but that's unheard of!"

Oh the Kazekage was sure it was heard of. He's heard stories about the snake man. How he'd use snakes to stretch someone instead of fingers. This thought caused the Kazekage to shiver. Since he just wanted the snake man to leave he answers him.

"You got the cash for it?"

Orochimaru smiles that creepy smile of his, "Of course I do." he pulls out his wallet but finds no cash. He frowns deeply. "Or not"

"Then perhaps a deal is in order?"

As soon as the Kazekage said this he regretted it.

"Ah yessss. Let's have me pay for it. After all you're a pretty body that I want."

"Agree to my terms or no Viagra!"

The snake man frowned. His fun being ruined. The Kazekage took the man's face of defeat as he was waiting to know what the deal was to be. The sadistic red head thought for something that wouldn't ever remind him of the snake man, but also had some kind of value to it. But would could that be? The Kazekage had gotten an idea.

"I want a pet kitten."

The snake man frowned.

As Orochimaru walked off, the strange Kazekage petted his new white kitten that was now renamed from Sasuke to Fluffy.

_**Author's Note**_

Yep. One strange Kazekage. Okay next is Naruto! If you have a request for a character please say it in a review!

Naii out!


	5. Naruto

_**Naruto**_

We once again join the red headed Kazekage in his dark corner. Today we find a blond ninja slowly walking up to him. This blond the Kazekage recognized as Naruto. Though he was moping? Anyway, he wasn't his usual hyper active self. Let's find out what he needs from the strange Kazekage.

"Gaara, I need something to help me be hyper again. They took out my other supplier and thought that you would have some."

Gaara smirked, "What do you need?"

"Ritalin."

"Do you have the money for it?"

"But of course..."

Naruto pulled out his frog wallet and opened it. Seeing that it was empty he mumbled something about the Prevy Sage spending his money again and sighs.

"I guess I don't."

"Then perhaps a deal is in order."

Naruto blinks, "What is it you want? I'm willing to give you anything."

This made the strange Kazekage smirk. Anything he wanted. Well, first what would the blond have that the red head would want? After all the blond was his other secret love. The dreams of a threesome with Naruto and Lee were...um...unmentionable and let's leave it at that. So he wanted something that could be added to his Naruto sanctuary. His smirk grew coming up with the perfect thing.

"I want the orange jump suit of yours right off your back."

"Done."

The Kazekage sat there with a victory smirk smelling the clothing that he had just received while watching the blond walk off in his boxers with what he wanted. He know that tomorrow the blond would be back to his hyper active self.

_**Author's Note**_

Well. This is what...the 5th person? Well I'm out of ideas on who to do next. Any suggestions? Leave a review :)

Naii out!


	6. Hinata

_**Hinata**_

We once again join the strange Kazekage of Suna in his dark corner of the dark alley. Today we find a midnight-ish blue haired girl walking down the alley. Well actually she was running and looked unusually...hyper? This behavior was strange of the girl for she was recognized as the one and only Hinata, who was normally quiet and shy. Let's see what has caused this change.

"Gaara, I heard from a person that I could get what I needed from you."

The red head lifted an eye brow, she needed something? She didn't seem like the person to do drugs. Maybe she needed someone to finally tell her secret to Naruto for her. Of course the Kazekage would never do that do to his own crush. Out of curiosity he decides to ask her what is on his mind.

"And what is it that you want?"

"I need heroin."

The red head almost stepped back with shock. She did do drugs! So that explains why she's always more calm and quiet. The Kazekage shrugs before asking, "Do you have the money for it?"

He saw the girl roll her eyes.

"Of course I have money. I'm a princess after all."

She took out her change purse and opens it. Seeing that her jaw had dropped indicated that the change purse was empty. The red head caught the mumbles of the girl. Something along the lines of 'Damn it Neji quit spending my money on.' Sadly the Kazekage didn't catch the rest of what was said.

"I don't have the money," the female replied.

"Then perhaps a deal is in order."

Hinata's eyes widened "What do you want?!"

Wait....was she scared of what he would want? What did she think he wanted? Sex or other pleasurable favors? The Kazekage would NEVER want something like that. At least not from a girl. So what would the Kazekage want from this girl. She doesn't mean much to him and they barely know each other, but she is Neji's cousin. That's it!

"I want a lock of Neji's hair."

The girl looks puzzled for a bit before pulling out a lock of her cousins hair. Why she had it the Kazekage didn't want to know. All he knew is that it was now his to add to his Neji shrine and that the girl will go back to being her usual self tomorrow.

_**Author's Note**_

Wow...I got this done when only a few hours ago I got the request! Sweetness! I will try to get the rest of the characters requested done next in order of which they were request (all by the same person but that's okay)

UP NEXT

Neji

Tsunade

Sakura

and Kakashi

Naii out!


	7. Neji

_**Neji**_

Once again we go to the dark corner of the alley to find the strange Kazekage of Suna. He himself was doing just fine. So he told himself. Business had been low lately, but today seemed to be his lucky day as some person with long hair starts to walk down the alley. The Kazekage had to strain his eyes to be able to tell that it was Neji Hyuga. Though his hair was let loose and his clothes appeared to be dirty, like something you'd find a stripper wearing. That kind of dirty. This is, of course, unusual for the Hyuga. Let's see what he wants.

"Hello Gaara-kun."

The use of "kun" made the Kazekage's heart flutter. Man there sure are a lot of guys he does like. His only response was "Hi" Real smooth of him right? Apparently .'

"Smooth way of talking suga. Think you can help me out?"

Still seemingly to fall farther and farther into the Hyuga's spell the Kazekage answers with, "Anything. What is it you need?"

The Hyuga took out a smoke...wait he smokes? This was a new thing to add into the info of Neji, but enough of that. What is it he wanted?

"I need Viagra. I can't get it up and my night job requires it."

Night job? What was his night job? Then it hit the Kazekage right in the heart. Neji was a stripper. A private stripper, in other words a prostitute. No worries. He didn't show any of his emotions. In fact he still had that evil sadistic smirk of his plastered on his face.

"Well it will cost ya."

"How much?" The Hyuga had answered that too quickly. Was this the only customer that would get away with paying in cash cause he actually had it? NO! The Kazekage wanted something from him! He couldn't have the money! Just couldn't!

All this time he was freaking out he hadn't quite noticed that the Hyuga was looking for something, but he noticed it now.

"Fuck...it seems I've forgotten my wallet." The Hyuga moved closer. "Anything else I could pay you with?"

God, luck, or something must have been on his side, but without even thinking the Kazekage answered "Your underwear."

The laugh that came out of the Hyuga's mouth was priceless and captivating. Within minutes instead of holding Viagra, the Kazekage was holding the black briefs of the Hyuga and watching that bare ass walk away while trying to put back on his tight black leather pants.

_**Author's note**_

Okay so some of you may not know why I went so crazy with this one and re-used some sort of drug. But let's face it. I'm not going to sit back and search and learn about drugs just to write these little stories. They're meant to be spur of the moment and funny. Sorry it took me awhile for this one but I think I'm going to go work on some of my other stories if I don't lose my writing inspiration by doing so.

UP NEXT

Tsunade

Sakura

and Kakashi

Naii out!


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